U.S. Government Announces Font
Anti-Piracy Initiative

April 1, 2006                                                                                                              Premier Issue

In This Issue

·    ATF renamed to Alcohol, Tobacco & Fonts

·    Nationwide crackdown on font piracy nabs major players

·    Counterfeit vowels being sold online

Coming Soon

·    A tour of the Font Police Academy in Deepdene, New York

·    Tips on creative scrapbooking using fonts bought online.

·    Bullet character renamed to ‘great big period’ in order to tone down the culture of violence

·    “Turn in your mother” anti-piracy campaign planned to launch in time for Mother’s Day

·    Criminal Font Profiles - Part 1: Jesse James Loved to Letterspace Blackletters

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Editor: Paul Beaujon

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms (ATF)  Renamed

April 1, 2006 - At a press conference held today in Washington, D.C., the Department of Justice announced a major initiative to stop the illegal sharing of copyrighted font software programs. “We have come to our senses and realize that fonts are far more important in today’s Internet-based society than guns” said Claude C. Garamond, director of ATF’s Font Police unit.

“Beginning today we will dedicate a team of specialists to deal with the issues plaguing type designers & foundries, and are proud to announce that “Fonts” will replace “Firearms” in our Bureau’s name”.

Fonts are an institution in America, and are protected by the Patriot Act. The ATF has the authority to intercept suspicious font file sharing, and has instituted wiretaps and surveillance as necessary to help type designers and foundries enforce their font End User License Agreements (EULAs). The ATF’s elite Font Police unit is working closely with Interpol to stop the threat of font terrorism and organized font piracy syndicates.

Milk money funds illegal font downloading network operating out of eleven major cities.

April 1, 2006 – Washington, D.C. - Seven Children were apprehended yesterday in an effort to crack down on the number of fonts illegally changing hands in primary schools. Mandy “Machine” Matteson, Lucy “Legacy” Davis, Annette “Arial” Davis, Samantha “Syntax” Rickner, Alec “Avenir” Kuhlman, Brianne “Baskerville” Kraimer, and Nathan “Nimrod” Mirochnick were all apprehended from their classrooms today. An overseas contingent, headed by Ross “Rockwell” Mayger is still on the loose and presumed dangerous to type libraries.

ATF agents spent six months pursuing various leads to nab these high-profile offenders. The arrests made a serious dent in font sharing website traffic.

April 1, 2006 – ATF agents are looking into reports of counterfeit vowels being sold on eBay, and even showing up the popular game show “Wheel of Fortune”. ATF Font Police spokesman Melissa Oblique said they had no comments on this ongoing investigation.